The Close of Service Blog Entry....video and stuff to follow later

May 3rd 2011. Bagakhangai, Mongolia.

So….COS conference. It was….awesome! So it began on Saturday when I trekked into UB. The weather was warm, the wind was light and somehow if I looked down the right city street at the right angle I could occasionally see rare moment s where I even thought a few corners of Ulaanbaatar was rather nice looking. Good for it.
The weekend was a flurry of food and showers. With only 2 months of service remaining I am definitely liking to shower more and more. Considering I had spent the last three weeks sober and therefore running every day I had plenty of dirt and salty stuff in my hair. This was also a weekend when everybody from the M20 group was in. Two years. If your healthy and optimistic that’s about a 50th of your life. You can learn everything you want to know about someone in under an hours conversation but at the same time at the end of two years those who have shared in their trails and tribulations can still leave you wishing you had gotten to know them better. Its just the way it is I suppose.
Yet the weekend before the COS conference was lost to warm weather, gentle winds, and beers on Amsterdam Café’s patio and the large corner table in the Ikh Mongol bar (we know which one im talking about!) I have been so happy and priveledged to work and live with these fellow amazing Americans of mine.
But on Monday things started to get a little less fun and a little more official. First up for me on Monday was the dentist. You might think they would pinch pennies on medical care once your actually in the Peace Corps but actually that’s not the case at all. Actually, it gets a little tougher once you got in! The dentists office was all PCV’s and one by one through the afternoon they worked us through. Some took ten minutes…others were strapped to the chair for three hours and would need to come back for later work. When I got called up I took a deep breath and walked in.
I had a secret weapon, I really did. I had spent the last year flossing. Not sportatically either. Night in night out I had taken that annoying string and whittled my teeth. I still remember the blood from the first two weeks too. Made me fear for my teeth in the autumn years of my life too! Yet two times brushing teeth and a nightly flossing really should keep cavities away right?! Alas, all the dental hygene in the world is no match for my love of soda, and all around crummy genes…. Two cavaties. They would handle those next Friday, but now it was time for the cleaning. That dentist…that 75 pound Asian lady practically strattling my chest as she dug to the atom along my gums and teeth….she was a full blown SADIST! Some people literally pay women to abuse them. Why the hell don’t they just go to the dentist??? She…I know you cant violate someone in that way but I cannot for the life of me believe she had to be that forcefull on my teeth….
Then after about an hour of this she sits me up, takes off her mask to a beautiful and kind smiling face with what I imagined to be sharpened layers of shark teeth and said to me in Mongolian: “See you in a week!” Damn you lousy teeth!
Well I spent the afternoon convalescing with my own drug of choice: a beer on a warm balcony. The next day was medical. The rumours abounded about the possibility of a prostrate exam during our medical checkup. For the first time in my life as a wild controversy was hashed out about an upcoming event that our deliberation had no deciding factor in the manner whatsoever, I spent my time just sitting quietly and drinking my beer. It….was…SO out of character! Any other time id be throwing in baseless statements on the subject but for the first time in my life I didn’t believe or had heard it from another person. I knew….bedrock knew…that noone who is not displaying symptoms gets a prostate check until the age of 50. Espeically when your demographic is overwhelmingly 20 somethings. I could have offered that into the conversation….but dammit it was just too much fun to listen to!
So the next day I arrived at the ass crack of dawn for the medical along with about a dozen or so other volunteers. It was a snails pace but unavoidable, it is what it is and by all means be thorough when you tell me if I am healthy or not. First we were told to pee in a cup, then we sat around a while as the doc did a round of bodies. Finally I got called up to check eyesight. Four years away from a single eye surgery and my impossibly far sighted astigmatism is still at perfect 20/20. (Dr. Kim at Duke University. Best of the best everyone!) Then they weighed me. I am four pounds heavier than when I began Peace Corps. I blame the beer and pizza from last night, the three days running absence while in UB, and just good ole fashioned “I am now 30.” Was complimented that I look healthy though on the outside. My doctor was actually a nurse. Kinda a secret kept from us PCV’s is that these guys aren’t docs, but kick ass nurses instead. (Good job for my mom to keep in mind, she would love to be stationed in the Caribbean no doubt!)
So I sat there in those stupid white patient gown thingys and she got to work. Arms responsive, chest clear, pressure tests positive, whisper tests proved that I could hear, blood pressure of that of a marathon runner (low) and a scan of the eyes. Then the basics: “How much vodka have you chugged down?” “How many sex partners?” “How often with condoms” “Still not smoking?” That type of stuff. For me it didn’t matter because as I may be reenrolling to be a PCV again I needed new results on all the medical stuff Peace Corps requires of a new blood. So….after a thorough physical they sent us to get blood and more urine drawn from a clinic to test for STD’s.
The clinic they send us to… its top notch and all that, but it really is on the other side of town. Not in a mood for a taxi (haven’t taken one since my birthday) and since it was a beautiful day I started walking. On the way I bumped into a number of other volunteers going to get the same blood and urine thingy. So we go there, get in line *again by “line” I mean that all Mongolians went before us and when noone was left the three Peace Corps volunteers at the clinic got to have it done too. By the by, ill save everyone the suspense by saying that I was negative for all the bad stuff and positive for all the good stuff, but this place needed a week to get all the results back. I guess if one of us suspected that we had an STD they could rush the results or something but anyone even with a light dose of paranoia can dislike week waits on results like those.
My mother gave me two wonderful gifts. The first being as a nurse she instilled upon me the horrors of STD’s at a very young age ensuring that I would take every precaution on the planet on those rare ocassions when I do indeed have sex. The second being a healthy dose of paranoia in things regarding my health and other suspenseful things. So yea, much like when I got tested to get into Peace Corps years ago the odds of me having anything were astronomically low…but … well paranoia needs only the seed of possibility to exist to thrive.
So with med stuff done me and two other volunteers set back towards the Peace Corps office. We took the wrong bus back (in all fairness the bus mislabeled itself) and instead of heading into town it took us out to the ger districts north of town. We sorta let it go on longer than we should have let it too, but we PCV’s are stubborn in nature. When it was decided that this bus was not “looping” but going out and back we got off and backtracked, but by that time we were high up in the hills north of town. The ger district in UB is not a pretty site. Half a million people living in one story shacks and tiny gers that are all grey thanks to the endless puffing of coal stoves which also leaves residents of this area with terrible health problems as during the winter living in this region is the equivalent of a daily pack of cigarettes just breathing the air!
The graveyard for Ulaanbaatar is there too. A graveyard in Mongolia is not a pretty site either. Mongolians don’t like death all that much, in fact very few people related to a deceased family member even go to the burial at all. To see one where people have literally built their homes around an enclosed ground that has mere disfigured stones jutting out of it…lets just say my desire to be cremated and scattered still stands. (I told mom she can just throw me anywhere that works for her…I imagine she would turn it into a cruise vacation of sorts or something!)
Well after finally getting back to Peace Corps office various volunteers were all in various stages of their medical stuff, but that meant aside from a language test I would be taking AFTER the Close of Service Conference (hereby after referred to as COS) so once again I just planted myself at American Burgers and Fries and started eating and drinking. I was supposed to work with a fellow filmmaker named Allison on the COS slideshow the two of us had been gathering pictures for but we somehow found a way to procrastinate that vital thingy. In all fairness the beer was very good! I actually even got to bump into a fellow PCV I hadn’t seen in a while. A great guy who shall remain nameless because of the humiliation of what happened next is something he may wish to keep to himself. We were MANY beers in at AB+F and I was very aware that one more would be too many. But he and a fellow volunteer were not yet done so they waved me goodbye. That might have been the last I heard of it, but at 6am the next morning my phone went off with him on the other line. He was staying at my guesthouse and I was still a little drunk/hungover from the night before so I sorta imagined I heard wrong when he said “hey dude, can you come to the other side of the guesthouse and give me a shoulder to walk with. I gotta go get in a cab to the Peace Corps office…I think I broke my foot.” Well after getting over to his side of the guesthouse yes indeed his foot was completely useless and after some shuffling we got him into a cab. Apparently after a few more beers when I had left he himself was walking home and…he decided to start skipping. I mean as in what seven year olds do just skip skip skip to my loo type skipping. Well I imagine the alcohol didn’t help and one skip just went terribly terribly wrong… hell of a bad time to hurt your foot (consolation prize: I believe he gets to fly back to the states first class when he does wrap up Peace Corps.) Bad luck that is, Anyway…
The next day we all packed up for COS… We left at 7 in the morning from the Peace Corps office in two smallish vans. It used to take a commercial sized bus to cart all of us around. But were down to around 40 by now. Depressing in some ways, but the smaller ground definitely made us a tight nit group. The ying and the yang…the great wheel. Allison and I stood at the entrances to the two buses and clicked away photos for our slideshow “before and after” segments. More on that later.
So off we go through UB traffic. There is no rhyme or rhythm to Mongolia traffic. In one of the least densely populated areas of the world somehow they concentrate enough cars in a small enough space to make getting out of town an hour long adventure. Once out of town naturally the roads were empty. We were headed sort of Northish to a ger camp called “Secret History of the Mongols” Never been there, but ger camps are pretty easy to get the hang of. Two boring hours later we get there and sign into gers…
I had just signed up randomly, and so once everyone was settled in turns out that I was rooming with the only other dude not in a click. A 70 year old dude named Michael. By far one of the oldest PCV’s serving in Mongolia. This dude had done Peace Corps back in the 60’s and was back for more. We have many badasses in many shapes and forms in Peace Corps Mongolia…but his is the type that would take a lifetime to accomplish the rank of. Kick ass roommate!
The COS conference was unlike our other conferences. This was not about what is to come, this was mostly for us to let it all out. To really think back on all we did. I get why they do this. After two really tough years of Peace Corps service one of the most common reactions is to feel frustrated that you haven’t really done anything. This conference helped to demonstrate just how much we had actually done. The food was also top notch too!
The first night was a lazy night. Just a single bottle of wine and a few quiet ger secluded hangouts. Alison and I pulled up our sleves and really got some of the photos into place. The production was truly a duo partnership as we were using my computer to actually piece the video together and we were using Alisons computer software to make some of the more complex shot thingys. Alison and I have very different filming styles. She likes to make videos that are of others doing, with very little involved time on the camera. As you may have noticed from some of my videos I on the other hand have no problem getting right up into the camera while filming my movies. The partnership was benefitial to all as it allowed the movie to be both all inclusive and also very irreverent. An excellent partnership!
The second day of the conference was much like the first, with segments on how to apply to GRE’s and Grad Schools once Peace Corps service ends. I love to learn and I still may try for a doctorate in Education if certain things work out, but boy howdy I am glad I don’t have to worry about that stuff because I already finished it! Some of their advice was mildly contradictory, but I got what they were going for. The whole “yes it will be tough…but I mean common you just lived in a tent for two years now here are some resources” type peptalks.
As we got ready to do the awards show and the slideshow I pulled out my secret weapon. I had brought over from my Germany trip a top of the line bottle of the little known but loved by those who do Jagermeister…it was hit and miss, but those that loved that stuff sure the hell loved me. The bottle of Jameson Whiskey I had also brought was popular as well, but as I had never drank Jameson before much of that went my way.
So first we had the awards ceremony, spearheaded by fellow 20’s Wally and Hannah. They made one for each of us with certificates to boot. They were a riot! Best part about them was that we knew, all of us in that room knew that the ONLY people on the planet would find this funny except for the exact people in this room. It’s the type of thing you just cant recreate at any other place and time. Unique and funny as hell. My award:

::drum roll:::

“Most Entusiastic Ger Dweller!”

Yea….i was a total ass, complete moron, and it took a lot of second impressions to prove that I wasent a total choad….

BUT I LIVED IN A GER!!!!!!

The other awards were all hilarious as well, but like I said unless you knew the people none of them make any sense.
The slideshow happened next. Seventeen minutes of endless laughter and heckling. There was some great music involved in the video, but really you couldn’t hear anything over the laughter and cheering. We didn’t bring down the house…but everyone in that room thought that video rocked. Ellen our Country Director even grabbed a copy of the movie too. More requests came and an assurance that it would be on youtube quickly placated everyone. How do you put “makes kick ass youtube videos” sound professional on a resume?
That night…it snowed. Last day of April and it REALLY snowed. Probably more than it had all this winter combined. Were high up in the hills of a distant ger camp and we need to trek back to UB. Though after two years of hard times this one was a cakewalk. We gathered our things and headed down the hill to the main road area which the vans could reach. It even required the manly men at one point to get out and push. A great flashback to January of 2010 for me…this time done with fellow volunteers. I love my life.
The wind was brutal and the snow still fell in huge amounts. But off we went. At one point we stopped to pee. I had never peed in the countryside with such winds and…something cool happened. I put my back to the wind, so the only wind that hit my urine was halfway down, but the amazing thing….it didn’t hit the ground. Seriously the wind was strong enough to scatter it out and up before it hit the ground. Thirty seconds of peeing and I left the ground dry. I love this country.
Luckily as we drove south the snow became rain, and we could use a little rain this time of year, especially after the nightmare winter of last year. We unloaded, booked it back to the guesthouse. I took my language test the following morning. I didn’t study for this or anything. Language has come up a lot during this blog. Language is the thing that has divided people far more than need be. Heck if you read the bible (as I did earlier this year) one of the ways God stops people from working together is to make them all speak different languages. Mean dude…mean!!!! So sitting down next to a woman who started to talk to me…something happened. Something amazing. I just…spoke to this woman. I didn’t want to buy anything, I wasent talking about school, I wasent complaining about something. I just…talked…in Mongolian. It all came so easily to me. I said everything I wanted to say, and I said it correctly too! 25 minutes later we wrapped up and I walked out. Not a word of English. I was told (in Mongolian) id find out my test results on Monday.
We all met later the next day at American Burgers and Fries. There was one final task for all of us to do.
The man who runs American Burgers and Fries is named Rob. Hes an American actually though Asian and he went to the High School I used to teach at. I love this world. The restaurant he runs has burgers that would rival Five Guys, and he opened in the winter of 2009, meaning the M20’s turned it into the official hangout spot. He’s always been good to us, and we bestowed on him a special honor. Probably the first time its ever been done too! We had all shelled out a thousand tugriks, and had gone to a sports store that makes trophies and plaques. With the ENTIRE remainder of the M20’s we presented to Rob a plaque making him an honorary M20. I still remember the look on his face. We could have offered him a thousand dollars and he would have taken the trophy.
That night was something special to us as well. While many of the M20’s leave around the end of June, it was at that restaurant that very night that we realized a lot of the people we knew and loved we were not going to cross paths with again. That this was the last hurrah of the gang. We drank accordingly, and though there was little left unsaid, we said it all and more. What a wonderful world.
Alas, by Sunday it was all over. Time to go back to Bagakhangai. It’s the first time that I had spent a prolongued time in UB and didn’t feel a particular urge to leave. I know it was the company I was in but still…that’s saying something. I got back easily enough and found that the rain had gotten into my ger a little. My items near the center of the ger were now somewhat wet. Ah well…good to be back.
That brings us to today, where I got the results of my language test. I scored and Advanced Low. I knew I did well, but not that well. After the advanced level you reach Superior and with something like that you could work for the United Nations with your language abilities. Like I said I don’t see myself using Mongolian for a career…but that just rocked. I hadn’t accomplished something, I hadn’t made someone else think higher of me. I had made myself proud of what I had accomplished. That…is the most important person of all. The only one that matters and they are your harshest critic. I think I am learning a lot while living in Mongolia.
So in the coming days I find out more about what will be occupying the next few years of my life….again. This time im not worried. So many good options, so many possibilities, and after living in Mongolia for two years doing what I have done I am pretty damn sure I could make anything work.
Life is good….Life is really, really good.